2/09/2018

Dear Stuart, 

My sugar Rumspring began with sugary granola, sugar pumpkin butter, sugary bread, and promises of a sugary donut that wasn't. That's what tomorrow is for though. Christmas is saved!

I had a stomachache all day and felt very distracted. Nonno was talking to me about the Catholic Church over lunch and I eventually asked if we could stop talking about it, because it felt like a lot of information at once and it was giving me a headache. (It was that, not the full stack of pizzelles I had consciously just wolfed down.)

Nonno and I have been talking a lot about religion lately and I've been feeling really interested and scared by it all. It's something I really want to find for myself and have really wanted to find for myself, yet have put off, day after day, week after week, in hopes that it will just happen. I'm eager to understand more about the faith I grew up in, as well and explore and look into other practices or doctrines I know less about. 

I had a moment at the kitchen table today, while Nonno was talking about how the Catholic Church was established (by Peter, who was designated the job by Jesus aka God), how and when the Protestant Reformation began (1900s, Martin Luther, rejection of some Church practices that were-- even Nonno admits-- questionable) and why the Catholic Church is the true church (it is the original Church Jesus preached to be built. All other sects of Christianity were formed by humans wanting a change in the original practices and traditions). I thought, there are so many things I don't know, there are so many things I need to know, there are so many things I want to know and there are so many things I feel I must understand, participate in, and create (rearrange, whatever) as an engaged citizen of the Earth. Religion, gardening, cooking, social justice, food justice/security, art, nature, finances/economics, vocabulary, literature, history, geography, technology, lineage, heritage, culture, politics, travel... I could go on... forever backwards in time, forever forwards in thinking, forever laterally in the present...

But instead of deeply studying or understanding these things, we wrap ourselves up in jobs and TV shows and shopping and Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?. And that's ok too. I think. I was being serious when I said I was getting a headache during lunch from the conversation, not the pizzelles. 

Today actually was a pretty good day for some reason I can't pinpoint. But it's about time it ended. I love you so much!

Emily :)