Dear Stuart,

I got fitted for a teal, glow-in-the-dark retainer today. I'm a big girl!

My grandpa is declining rapidly-- either that or he's in a really bad slump. It's so hard not to have every little dip in energy, mood, strength... anything feel so big and heavy. The weight of Life is bearing down on me every day and I feel exhausted by trying to suck every last ounce out of it. 

There have been giant ants crawling around the house and all I can do is kill them. Yesterday I thought I crushed one, but when I threw it in the toilet I realized it was still alive. I stared at it, floundering in a pee-filled toilet bowl. What do I do? 

It's hard to watch but it's even harder to walk away. That's how I feel about Nonno.

I love you so, so, SO much Stu. Thank you for supporting me and I'm sorry it's not fair to you.

With all my love and kisses,