2/16/2018

Dear Stuart,

I have to start writing these to you earlier because by the time I get to it, I already told you everything. 

I feel really happy about the quality of time I got to spend with my mom yesterday. She really is an incredible person, and I overlook/ under-appreciate her kindness and selflessness because she's my mom. And moms are always the default scapegoat for everything wrong in the world. That's part of the reason they're so great. ........................................................................................ Right?

Anyways, I feel like I'm finally getting to a point where things don't feel overwhelming and stressful and messy. I'm not sure if it's a temporary sense of relief and letting go, but either way, it's there. I'm just enjoying it right now instead of trying to immediately exploit the time for creative endeavors and dreams. And that's good. When my mom came in the house yesterday Nonno was sitting in his wheelchair, right in front of the armchair. My mom asked, "Are you going in [to the armchair] or coming out?" "I'm just here," my Nonno said. I'm just here.

Over lunch my grandpa and I discussed the differences/nuances between children and "adults"; expectations? inspiration? energy? innocence? ignorance? Do we naturally lose certain child-like traits as we grow older and learn more, or do we choose to harden and re-prioritize?  Is there a way to continue having wonder, adoration, big dreams and high expectations while still having a grounding sense of realism, duty, responsibility?

Lately, being home has got me like:

Through God meme.png

That's a pretty good feeling. 

Love youuuuuu,

Emily